Suicide

I want to talk about something that is kind of a touchy subject for some people... Suicide. A lot of people say that suicide is selfish. People will utter/post phrases such as “to do that to your family is just selfish”, or “to commit suicide when you’ve got so much going for you is pure selfishness”, or variations thereof. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard people tell me that. It drives me nuts and it makes me feel even worse about myself causing me to become depressed. So often when I get depressed people will just dismiss it or tell me to just get over myself or let it go. Dismissing the concerns of a genuine depression sufferer on the grounds that you’ve been miserable and got over it is like dismissing the issues faced by someone who’s had to have their arm amputated because you once had a paper cut and it didn’t bother you.

There are so many people out there who have depression who are just really good at hiding it, Robin Williams for one. Depression doesn't discriminate. It doesn't just pick on blondes, or brunettes, or white people, or Hispanics.... it can literally happen to anybody. I can guarantee it has happened to everyone at some point. Everyone get depressed, but there are those of us (myself included) who get depressed every day, sometimes for no reason. Depression doesn't need a reason to attack you.

Anyways I want to share some of my experiences where I almost committed suicide(please if you are thinking about suicide do not attempt any of the following please call 1(800) 273-8255). I think the first time I tried to commit suicide was when I was in high school. I tried to hang myself from my bunk bed.... it didn't work for numerous reasons. During college was when I tried it the most. While living with my sister after her and her husband had gone to bed I sat on the kitchen floor with a bottle of pills and a glass of water in my hands. I was ready to give up. Luckily just before I was about to take them my sister came out of her room to get a glass of water. I am so grateful that she was thirsty haha. The next day I was still feeling down and went to work(I was a housekeeper at a hotel but was going to switch to front desk when school started). One of my coworkers noticed I was off and asked me what was wrong. I broke down and told her what had happened. She later told my boss who called the cops, who decided to come to my work to talk to me about the situation. I was terrified. School eventually started and I never got switched to front desk because of my depression. My boss didn't think it would work because of how “unstable” I was. I still hate him to this day, and I hated myself for a long time because I had told someone about my depression. Later on in the school year around February I tried committing suicide not once but twice. I almost drank a bottle of hydrogen peroxide before my roommate came in. The second time I took 6 sleeping pills before I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I slept for over 12 hours and was sick after wards. I didn't have another attempt till a year into my marriage. I tried suffocating myself in a plastic bag. But stopped myself when I saw my puppy staring at me. (again please do not attempt any of these things if you are having suicidal thoughts please call 1(800) 273-8255)

Those are the only times I have ever attempted to take my own life, but I think about it a lot more than you would think. Some people told me that doing those things was selfish. People who say that suicide is selfish always reference the survivors. It's selfish to leave children, spouses and other family members behind, so they say. They're not thinking about the survivors, or so they would have us believe. What they don't know is that those very loved ones are the reason many people hang on for just one more day. They do think about the survivors, probably up until the very last moment in many cases. But the soul-crushing depression that envelops them leaves them feeling like there is no alternative. Like the only way to get out is to opt out. And that is a devastating thought to endure.

Until you've stared down that level of depression, until you've lost your soul to a sea of emptiness and darkness... you don't get to make those judgments. You might not understand it, and you are certainly entitled to your own feelings, but making those judgments and spreading that kind of negativity won't help the next person. In fact, it will only hurt others.

So please if you know somebody who has depression please watch what you say to them. And learn the warning signs for suicide. 50-75% of people who attempt suicide will tell someone about their intention. Listen when people talk. Make eye contact. Convey empathy. And for the love of people everywhere, put down that ridiculous not-so-SmartPhone and be human.

Check in on friends struggling with depression. Even if they don't answer the phone or come to the door, make an effort to let them know that you are there. Friendship isn't about saving lost souls; friendship is about listening and being present.

Encourage help. Learn about the resources in your area so that you can help friends and loved ones in need. Don't be afraid to check in over and over again. Don't be afraid to convey your concern. One human connection can make a big difference in the life of someone struggling with mental illness and/or survivor's guilt.

30,000 people commit suicide in the United States each year. 750,000 people attempt suicide. It's time to raise awareness, increase empathy and kindness, and bring those numbers down.

Remember you never know who has depression, so please reach out to those who do and just treat everyone around you with kindness and respect. Cause words do hurt.