Today is National Suicide Prevention Day, something that hits very close to home for me. Back in February 2015 I posted about suicide, I want to share some important points I made then today as well as some new ones.
A lot of people say that suicide is selfish. People will utter/post phrases such as “to do that to your family is just selfish”, or “to commit suicide when you’ve got so much going for you is pure selfishness”, or variations thereof. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard people tell me that. It drives me nuts and it makes me feel even worse about myself causing me to become depressed. So often when I get depressed people will just dismiss it or tell me to just get over myself or let it go. Dismissing the concerns of a genuine depression sufferer on the grounds that you’ve been miserable and got over it is like dismissing the issues faced by someone who’s had to have their arm amputated because you once had a paper cut and it didn’t bother you.
I want to share some of my experiences where I almost committed suicide(please if you are thinking about suicide do not attempt any of the following please call 1(800) 273-8255). I think the first time I tried to commit suicide was when I was in high school. I tried to hang myself from my bunk bed.... it didn't work for numerous reasons. During college was when I tried it the most. While living with my sister after her and her husband had gone to bed I sat on the kitchen floor with a bottle of pills and a glass of water in my hands. I was ready to give up. Luckily just before I was about to take them my sister came out of her room to get a glass of water. I am so grateful that she was thirsty haha. The next day I was still feeling down and went to work(I was a housekeeper at a hotel but was going to switch to front desk when school started). One of my coworkers noticed I was off and asked me what was wrong. I broke down and told her what had happened. She later told my boss who called the cops, who decided to come to my work to talk to me about the situation. I was terrified. School eventually started and I never got switched to front desk because of my depression. My boss didn't think it would work because of how “unstable” I was. I still hate him to this day, and I hated myself for a long time because I had told someone about my depression. Later on in the school year around February I tried committing suicide not once but twice. I almost drank a bottle of hydrogen peroxide before my roommate came in. The second time I took 6 sleeping pills before I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I slept for over 12 hours and was sick after wards. I didn't have another attempt till a year into my marriage. I tried suffocating myself in a plastic bag. But stopped myself when I saw my puppy staring at me. (again please do not attempt any of these things if you are having suicidal thoughts please call 1(800) 273-8255)
Those are just the times I actually made an attempt on my life. There are many times where I just come up with scenarios of how I would do it. Laying down in the middle of a busy road, jumping off a cliff, slitting my throat, sitting in my car in the garage etc. (again please do not attempt these and call 1(800) 273-8255).
As a friend or family member there are warning signs you can look for in those around you. How do you remember the Warning Signs of Suicide? IS PATH WARM?
I Ideation
S Substance Abuse
P Purposelessness
A Anxiety
T Trapped
H Hopelessness
W Withdrawal
A Anger
R Recklessness
M Mood Changes
Expanded Warning Signs:
- Increased substance (alcohol or drug) use
- No reason for living; no sense of purpose in life
- Anxiety, agitation, unable to sleep or sleeping all of the time
- Feeling trapped - like there's no way out
- Hopelessness
- Withdrawal from friends, family and society
- Rage, uncontrolled anger, seeking revenge
- Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities, seemingly without thinking
- Dramatic mood changes
Nearly 40,000 people in the United States die from suicide annually, or 1 person every 13 minutes. This exceeds the rate of death from homicide and AIDS combined. More people die by suicide than from automobile accidents. 800,000 die world wide, or 1 person every 40 seconds. For every completed suicide, there are 25 suicide attempts
Suicide is the 10th-leading cause of death in the United States and the seventh leading cause among men and boys. Worse, it is the third leading cause of death among children 10 to 14 and second among those 15 to 34.
The state of Utah made news this year because death by suicide became the No. 1 cause of death for children 10 to 17 in the state. In fact, the number of teen deaths by suicide in Utah doubled from less than 12 per 100,000 in 2011 to 24 per 100,000 in 2014. The increase was limited to that age group.
It is sad to me that so many people die every year from suicide, when quite honestly it could have been prevented by family and friends of the victim. For me personally when I get depressed and begin to have suicidal thoughts I change. I compare it to Jeckyll and Hyde. When I get depressed Hyde takes over and his goal is to end my life. Just as Jeckyll I cannot control Hyde on my own. It takes love from those around me and sometimes even medication to get him under control. I am not the same bubbly happy person that most of you know when I am depressed. I am someone else....
Most people who have thought about suicide do not want to die; they simply want to find relief from the physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual pain they are going through(just as Jekyll thought about killing himself to relieve himself from the pain of Hyde). Even righteous people like Paul have “despaired even of life” (
2 Corinthians 1:8) when they felt weighed down and in deep distress (see also
Numbers 11:14–15;
1 Kings 19:4;
Jeremiah 20:14;
Philippians 1:21–24). Nevertheless, in times of trouble, like Nephi and Alma they “[knew] in whom [they] trusted” as they found that “God hath been [their] support” in “trials and troubles of every kind” (see
2 Nephi 4:19–20;
Alma 36:27).
Although it is wrong to take one’s own life, a person who does so may not be responsible for his or her actions. Only God can fully understand and judge the situation. Elder M. Russell Ballard said:
“Obviously, we do not know the full circumstances surrounding every suicide. Only the Lord knows all the details, and he it is who will judge our actions here on earth.
“When he does judge us, I feel he will take all things into consideration: our genetic and chemical makeup, our mental state, our intellectual capacity, the teachings we have received, the traditions of our fathers, our health, and so forth” (“
Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not,” Ensign, Oct. 1987, 8).
Suicide is a serious problem in our homes, schools, churches, and communities. It does not spare people of any race, religion, age group, gender, sexual orientation, or marital status (see
World Health Organization). It is a complicated issue that we don’t fully comprehend. There is seldom a single cause or a simple solution. Whether you struggle with thoughts of suicide, know someone who does, or have lost a loved one to suicide, the resources on this site can help. ( https://www.lds.org/preventingsuicide/?lang=eng )
Because of Jesus Christ and His Atonement, you can find the strength to endure and the hope to heal. Our Savior understands what you are going through and has promised, “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you” (
John 14:18). Our Heavenly Father has also blessed us with family, friends, Church leaders, and professionals who have unique gifts and abilities to help us address our issues. You are not alone.
“God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there.” President Thomas S. Monson
