It's been almost a year since my last post, and I apologise for that. My goal is to try to be more proactive in sharing my thoughts on here.
These last two weeks have been some of the hardest weeks of my life (right up there with my miscarriage in October 2018). I turned 25 at the beginning of February and 12 days after I got the devastating news that my father, who was only 56, passed away unexpectedly at his office. My dad wasn't coming home again. The realization of this fact didn't hit me till many days later when I was alone in my car. It hit me the first time I saw his body under a simple bed sheet at the mortuary, but I didn't have time to full process it. It hit me again when my beloved husband was having problems installing our new thermostat, something my dad would've been able to help me. It hit me this evening when my stomach was upset and I thought about asking my dad what I should take to help it and realized I could never do that again.
I had the privilege of speaking at my father's funeral on Friday March 1st. I gave a brief life sketch and began to share some memories of my father. I shared a particular memory but didn't go into a lot of detail due to time, but I would like to share it here.
I was about 16 and had been dealing with depression since I was 12 (though I had never been "officially" diagnosed). I didn't talk about it with my parents and I don't know that they ever knew how much I really struggled during my awkward teenage years. But I remember one day feeling particularly bleak. Even thinking of ending my own life to get away from the pain I was feeling. My dad randomly called me into the living room and sat me down and said he wanted to share a video he found with me. I gave him a look that I'm sure most of us gave our parents at that age but decided I didn't have much to loose since I honestly wasn't planning on sticking around for very long. He pulled up this video. He then told me how much he loved me and gave me a hug, and that was it. It was just that one simple thing that saved me that day.
Never stop doing simple things for people. Sometimes a kind word or a hug or a smile can save someone.
I am so very lucky to have my dad now as my personal guardian angel pushing me still to be better as he did in life. Letting me know even now how much he and so many others love me.
Life is too short and too precious, and even though I WILL continue to have bad days I am never alone.
