What exactly is depression?

       What exactly is depression? Well according to the Merriam Webster dictionary, depression is a serious medical condition in which a person feels very sad, hopeless, and unimportant and often is unable to live in a normal way. When you have depression, the only thing that seems to exist inside you is a void so deep and so dark that you alternately fear for your life on the one hand, and wish for extinction on the other. 

       When you have depression, your nervous system stops functioning properly, which means that all the nerve ending that should be communicating the visual and sensory details of the scene before you-as well as the love you should be feeling for your spouse, your children, and your creator- are not doing their job. you cannot feel because in a very literal sense your brain is broken. A broken brain is a physical condition-it has no more to do with personal righteousness than the ravaging physical effects of cancer.

       However, a key difference between depression and other illnesses is that the symptoms of depression are largely mental and emotion. A depressed person can rarely feel anything but blankness. When you are depressed, you can't feel ANY positive emotions: hope, joy, peace, happiness, charity, or love. 

       Everybody feels depression differently.I have some days where I'm ok and don't feel sad at all. Those are the days I cherish. On the days I really can feel it it's hard, I feel empty like there's nothing I can do. Its hard for me to even get out of bed those days. Everyday is a battle, I'm fighting a war against depression, and myself. I'm not on any antidepressants because I don't like the side effects that come with them. I take some stuff called nutricalm, but it's super nasty. I only take that if none of the rest of my stuff works. I also take Q96, and inositol, both over the counter herbal medications. Though there are some days where I don't need my medication and I feel great, those are the best days of all. 

      Though there are countless days where I just want to give in to my depression and just end it, the one thing that makes me think twice is my loving husband. I know how hurt he would be if I ever committed suicide. And there have been many times when I have almost done that despite how much I know he loves me. Depression is so hard and something that so many people do not understand. I hope through this post and throughout my blog I will be able to comfort those who have depression, and help those who don't understand it.