The Monster Within Me

So this last weekend my sister and her husband came down to spend some time with us. On Friday we went bowling. It started out being a lot of fun. Then I started to suck about the second game and I let it get to me. I began to feel depressed and eventually just stopped caring about the game. I eventually tried imagining the pins as my depression.... I then got a split. I got really frustrated after that. I just kept getting progressively worse and worse throwing the ball into the gutter. We ended the second game and I was not looking forward to another one. My first turn I threw the ball and fell down but got a strike. Nate then came to help me up. 

Depression is this monster that once it has a hold of you it refuses to let go. When I first started to suck while bowling it had just started grabbing me. Then as soon as I got that split it was then able to wrap all its tentacles around my entire body then it continued to repeatedly throw me into the gutter. I feel like a lot of the time when I try to fight off my depression it lets me do some damage but then throws me a "split" and laughs at me cause it knows I can never truly win when it does that. By the end of the second game I had some pretty bad emotional bruises from this monster. After I got that first strike I felt like the "monster" had let go almost completely. It wasn't until Nate came to help me up that I felt perfectly normal. It got me thinking how most days when I get depressed even if I am able to fight it off I still need Nate and my Heavenly Father to help me up. 

Depression is not something I can fight on my own. I am slowly starting to realize that. I grew up with a family where even us girls were expected to be tough and that was great. I learned how to handle doing things on my own and it eventually became a habit. But I can't do that with depression. I cannot fight this war alone. Nobody can.