When I am Depressed

Everyday is a battle for my life. Everyday I wake up and I begin fighting. Imagine this.... waking up every morning and having to jump into the ocean and swim. You cannot stop, it is freezing cold, but you must keep swimming or you will die. That is what depression is for me. It controls every single aspect of my life....

When I am depressed all I want to do is sleep.
When I am depressed I cannot sleep. 
When I am depressed I do not eat. 
When I am depressed all my other emotions are turned off, sometimes I feel absolutely nothing. 
When I am depressed I isolate myself from society because in my mind I am not good enough. 
When I am depressed I remember every horrible thing I have ever done in my life. 
When I am depressed I am a failure. 
When I am depressed I am the worst person in the world because I am considered/feel "selfish". When I am depressed I don't believe all the kind words people say to me. 
When I am depressed I cannot look at my own reflection because I am ugly. 
When I am depressed I feel invisible. 
When I am depressed my smile is fake. 
When I am depressed I feel as if I am drowning, like I am sinking in the middle of the ocean after swimming for 12 hours. 
When I am depressed I have no hope. 
When I am depressed I don't want to live. 
When I am depressed the thought of death brings me relief.

I want to stop and just rest but I can't. Nobody can take my place and fight this for me. All they can do is cheer from the sidelines and tell me that I can do it. It is easier to keep fighting if I have someone cheering me on. My depression is trying to kill me. I can't let it do that, as much as I would like to give up some days. I have a family to think about, so I keep fighting. But somedays I don't want to fight because I am tired. But I fight because if I don't I will no longer be me....